“4.30 pm show, PVR, second last row, you coming? Arpit asked.
“Ask Sid”, I replied.
“I am asking you”
Then he went to Sid’s room.
“Krish, 4.30 show”
“Ok”, said Sid, “but I have booked bus tickets for Chennai”.
“What is the boarding time?”
“9 PM, near Paradise circle”
“Ok, it will be over by then”.
“Its 2.30 Pm now, we will leave in an hour”
“Okay boss”, came the reply from both the rooms in unison.
“Your wish is my command master”, I added.
I can’t recall from which movie I picked it up, but it kind of sounds funny in these situations.
After one Hour:
“Get ready people or we will be late”, Arpit.
“Just let me smooth these wrinkles on my T-shirt” I replied.
“Don’t forget to unplug the iron, after you are done with it”
“Aye Aye Captain”
“I am ready” said Sid.
On the building we hail for Auto Rickshaws, after a few no-responses, one Auto stops in front of us.
“How much till PVR”
“No way, 150 is till Jubilee hills, for Punjgutta, it’s not more than 70”
And after this masterful haggling by Sid.(We are still paying him 40 bucks extra over metered charges). We hop in.
The auto has some issue with its engine, as soon he accelerated , instead of moving fast, a lamberata type sound came, which made us chuckle.
“Bhaiya jaldi chalo movi 4.30 ka h, aaj hi dekhna h”, Sid in his inimical accent.
“Cinema …something in telugu….jadli nako, time h, time h”
Again he accelerates, again we chuckle.
Every vehicle, be it the motorized or otherwise was moving ahead of us.
We were talking about something that happened at work during the day, and as all honorable north Indians, B-word escaped my lips.
Sid widened his eyes, pointing towards the driver, as Telugu people have sensitive ears in this respect.
And it took no time.
“Chickna gora ladka……something… something …UP Rajasthan….something…gaali nako…something something….”
“Sorry uncle, I was in UP for 8 months, it will take some time”, I sheepishly apologized.
I don’t know what he replied, but something about, small city, 5 km diameter, 24 years….no idea.
But one thing was clear; I have to unlearn abusive words which now have become an integral part of speech in my Hindi.
Luckily my Kashmiri is fine; even after 5 years of exile from home I still manage to have a conversation in chaste Kashmiri
I daily practice it.My Mom calls me twice a day to check on me.
Now we finally reached our destination on time.
Screen No. 5-Krish 3.
But we had no breakfast, so Sid joined the food counter queue to get us some lunch.
One cold stale burger with Popcorn (250 gm) and Coke (250 ml), this was the cheapest combo worth 330 Rupees, and my mind started calculating how many days of groceries we could have purchased.
But nevertheless, these question are not be asked, when you have received salary just six hours back.
Till that time I engaged myself in checking out the crowd.
Couples with kids, couples with no kids and couples about to have kids in a couple of month, all kinds of couples; uncles and aunties, grandmas and grandpas.
Except the Biryani (Veg of course), there is not much a north Indian can look for, especially a single guy. No offence to Andhra chicks.
So, we picked our trays and moved faster towards the screen, my Hot Dog was to be delivered at my seat during the movie.
Theatre was quite grand this time; one could hear the whispers and discussions kids were having regarding their super-heroes.
They must have been counting days to watch the movies.
People were munching popcorns and there was quite a bit of excitement around.
We easily found our seats.
I was sitting beside a 45-something guy, who was munching Nachos, and surprisingly he was alone.
I never used to notice these things, but my 8 month living alone thing makes me do that.
I had this urge to ask that man that how could he watch a movie alone.
Because in my line of work, you are mostly like a lone wolf in the jungle, but somehow, I didn’t. I could have done with a few tips
After 4 years of college, where you don’t even pee alone, watching a movie alone in a theatre and munching nachos too, is a feat that appears daunting to me. Though, I know a few friends in my Company who have become the masters at this art.
So, next the screen came alive .For next 15-20 minutes, we were seduced to purchase gold, Real-Estate ,credit cards, life insurance and what not in Hindi, English and Telugu.I omitted the nagging Vicco Bajridanti —-vicco bajridanti….loop because Arpit is a big fan of the brand, other wise,could have added one more venomous line …
There was a dark handsome actor in one of the advertisements and I asked my friend a bit loudly that “Ye kaun h be”.
And even in this dim light I could see some heads turning towards me menacingly.
Oh he is some big shot, got it.
My Telugu colleague had advised me sometime before when I had knowingly passed lewd remarks at their all-too-revealing posters, that Telugu people don’t like funny remarks about their film industry.
Okay, so one more things added to my forthcoming novel 100 things you-don’t-say-in–Andhra
Finally the movie began.
I am just sharing some snippets which made me laugh.
And we started munching our 1000 rupees-worth-unhealthy-junk-food.
Frankly I had not seen Krish-2, though I had tried twice, but even then I could not help my dropping eyelids.
But an introductory keynote speech in the movie cleared all the doubts.
So, you can still watch if you have missed Krish 2 or K-2 for I failed twice to mount (watch it).
The movie starts with Father Hritik Roshan, conducting some experiment with mirrors and sunlight.
It reminded of me of the one of the experiment Leonard (from Big Bang theory, if you haven’ watched that, I forbid you from reading my blog) was conducting in his lab when Penny comes in and they end up having you very well know.
Anyways he made a ray of sunlight to be reflected from a number of well placed mirrors and then on to a very sophisticated tip of pen, which then gets activated and produces some even brighter ray which is directed towards a small welted potted plant. Initially green leaves start to appear but within a minute a blast occurs.
Son Hritik Roshan’s opening scene is shirtless well that was expected, his chiseled body is stunning.
I am left thinking that in order to achieve such physique, my body needs to be solidified and only then some sculptor can carve out the abs and cuts.
At this age, he is 40 something, such physique commands respect.
Next we see that our Hunk works as a security guard and he is fired the same day for dereliction of duty. He was busy busting the goons of the same shopping complex. Job always sucks.
This scene was really left everyone chuckling by the comic timing of Rajpal Yadav.
Next we see that an Aero-plane has some snag with the front wheel.
Its shock absorber has jammed, this is preposterous, it doesn’t happen in even Indian manufactured cars, what to say about Boeing (give me some credibility here)
I WONDER when Boeing is going to sue the Roshans.
But nevertheless, this scene apart from the shock absorber twist is taken straight away from the Superman movie.
Had Sushter and Siegal(creators of Superman) been alive today, they would have happily crawled back to their graves after seeing this.
But as expected our Krrish mustered all his powers and got the Plane to land safely. On the Airport, you get to see an Air India Plane parked.
I bet they did that unknowingly, seeing the current state of our Indian carrier, they can’t even afford the salaries.
Next shot that we see is some heart wrenching archived footage of an epidemic in some 4thworld country, which is put to use to describe a disease outbreak in today’s Namibia.
Researchers all over the world are trying to find the cure including Father Hritik Roshan who has been described as the last hope.
We get to know in a few minutes that this epidemic was man-made and an International (but all employees were Indian) Pharmaceutical company whose head quarters instead of New York or Washington were on a lonely hill in Arctic circle was behind it. So far believable, but who names his company as “KAAL” Pharmaceutical .I don’t know about other countries, but in India no one will ever purchase his medicine from them for sure.
This is taken from the Mission Impossible 2, in which Cruise battles the fellow IMF agent (antagonist) for the chimera (disease) and bellarophon (antidote) which was made by a pharma named Biocyte FYI
The head quarters more than a company headquarter seems like an Observatory .But the Dog sledge scene was a testament to the fact that that the scene was not shot in India.
And the costume designer had no qualms of using the dress of White Witch from Narnia on Vivek Oberoi albeit the dark one, the only thing that was missing a tightly corseted cleavage (Censor board would have passed it, the way they pass all the Bollywood songs with expletives) and a wand.
So, till now three Hollywood movies have gone into the making of Krrish 3, so I hope you get why # 3 is more apt than Krrish Returns with new abs or Krrish Reloaded on Diwali.
At this time, I see some person in the dark trying to reach me fervently, don’t worry, I didn’t make passes at any lady .It was the Hot Dog Guy.
He cautiously hands over me the plate.
Finally something to eat, I take a bite at the bread and a bit of stuff in middle and the world comes crashing down. It’s not what I had ordered; in the dark I didn’t notice the fucking red dot. I immediately spit it out much to the annoyance of others. The lone wolf sitting beside me shifted seats after hearing the longest expletive ever invented in the land of five rivers. My friends started laughing. It felt as if I had tasted poison, how can Non-Veg people even gulp it down. I am at loss. But our scriptures mention that a mistake is not a mistake which is done in dark or unknowingly, that’s a tenet our rapists have followed this financial year.
Thank God I was born in a family of Vegetarians by choice.
All I am left is with 250 ml Coke to satisfy my hunger and anger.
Back to the movie now, after this epidemic case is resolved, we come to know that it is Krish’s birthday. At the the same time we get to know that Krrish 4 is also in the pipeline. Well, Priyanka Chopra is pregnant so isn’t is obvious. Wait for the #4 installment to spoil your Diwali in coming years.
But this happiness is short lived as mutants who are the unwanted results of Kaal’s experiments, attack their house.
No comments on mutants, they were pathetic. If you have watched any installment of X-Man, as Arpit had religiously done, you can even tell their names,Mystique and Kitty combo in Kaaya, toad, Xavier and Magneto combo as Kaal.
One thing which puzzled me, is that their home is in some hill station like Kasuali or Chamba, but they daily commute to work in Mumbai having seen the traffic situation there, is it plausible? I WONDER on that goof up, but continue sipping my drink.
You have to be fooled in order to be entertained, leave analytics at your home.
Another goof up which made me spill my drink was when Kangana replaces Priyanka as Krrish’s wife. Kaal Is the result of some botched experiment with the DNA of Father Hritik Roshan , so it makes him biologically his son. Kaaya is also born in the similar way, which makes her the daughter of Kaal. Now that Kaal and Krish are biologically brothers. So, how can Kaaya sleep with Krish, her handsome uncle? How did censor board pass this incest? I JUST WONDER and sip my warm coke.
There were many other scenes which attracted my wrath, but I am skipping that, because after watching it, I will not make you to relive that again.
And they even had a dance and song sequence which use the same location minus the trees which was leased during the shooting of Ghajini (Tu meri adduri pyaas pyass), the only difference was that Krrish has better cuts and the song has pathetic lyrics. I compose better lyrics than this while biding my time on a toilet seat.
After this the niece Kaaya betrays her dad Kaal and leads Uncle Krish to the SHQ (my colleagues will chuckle at this), in Arctic circle where Kaal has kept Priyanka her poor sister-in-law who is half an hour pregnant with Krrish#4.A fight breaks out between Kaal and Krrish ,but Kaal uses to his advantage the powers of both Mr. Xavier and Mr. Magneto in banging the skull of Krrish against every wall in the room.
He has finally found out his long-lost-but-never-missed father in Father Hritik Roshan and as Voldemort was resurrected from the bone of Tom Riddle his father, he also resuscitates from the handicap using the BONE MARROW of his father.
In an interview leading to the release Vivek Oberoi had mentioned that his suit weighed about 28 Kgs and was designed with a lot of craft.
So, I was hoping it will be up to the mark, but like my Hot Dog, it was pure crap, aluminium pieces with frayed ends can be obtained from the scrap of the Punching press in any auto-mobile plant even for free.
And the way his Helmet was made, as if he was going to face Brett lee and Shoaib together.
A line comes to my mind often used in Dogri, ye to sirf soshein hai.
As expected our Kaal crushes Krish and leaves him fatally wounded.
But his father using that Pen that was used in the opening scene to blow life in the dead plant, gets the rays focused on Krrish, but it caused tissue damage to our hero, So he decides to filter the rays through him. A great sacrifice, but guess who would be happy to see him dead, ironically Hritik himself. It is not easy to play a childish-portly- middle-aged-man. With all that make up and manner of speech, really a class act, but too taxing when you are doing so many stunts hanging by that wire all day.
Then both the estranged brothers decide to take the party to town, where we get to see some Matrix like stuff, like stopping the bullets etc.
It is followed by an extremely well shot fight scene which was pretty interesting.The way the buildings were smashed and glass panes were crushed.HULK fans must be having all the fun.
But at the end,by a stroke of genious(of Rakesh Roshan) , Krrish decides to use the PEN and the Sun rays to corner the Kaal. Initially Kaal starts laughing when rays strike him.But the rays melt his suit and laughter, all that is left of him is in a motlen puddle of aluminium spread out on a debris.
Hence proved that
“Pen is mightier than sword and all the mutations and even their combos possible “.
Disclaimer from the Author:
1. This article is a labor of love towards Bollywood directors , who in spite of the tiny budgets expose us to the sci-fi treats.
2.“Something something” has been taken from the Chetan Bhagat’s novel “Two states…”, just in case he decides to sue me.
3. I fully admire the Andhra beauties. (I don’t want to be single in AP).
4. I abhor Non-Veg food but not non-vegetarians, we are all the prisoners of our urges, please note.
Enjoy and do comment your reviews